This was the first day in a long time I felt “normal”. Normal me feels happy and in control of at least one part of my life. Normal me isn’t wrought with worry or having panic attacks on a regular basis.
So I did without all of the negative crap today. I even stood up for my opinion to a couple of people and made progress doing it. It wasn’t pleasant, but I got through it. I wanted to err on the side of anger.. but I stopped to let logic (ok, and some irritation) guide me instead. And it seemed to work reasonably well. Still, quiet “I don’t like to disturb the peace” me is not entirely proud of myself, yet sometimes you just cannot go along with the flow just to keep the peace. It keeps things nice for everyone else, but not for me.
“Real me” is starting to come out (it’s a slow process, I think). This is the side of me that doesn’t say “yes” to please people when I really want to say “no”, or “you know… that just doesn’t make sense to me, and this is why”. And it’s good to have people actually “buy-in” to my reasoning and accept it a little.